Love, Equality, Fashion

So many, the could last me a month. Different sizes, colors, and fits. I have my favorite ones, but they’re at the cleaners… with no return back. They are done, I’m done. They’re not old, they don’t smell, they’re perfect to be quite honest. Problem is, we can’t afford to be seen together. Everyone will recognize them and they belong to the cleaners now, they will find and catch them. So long shorts!

Soft and smooth, the perfect length, the perfect fit. I found new shorts and I liked them! They were not new, they didn’t have a tag, and they didn’t have a label. They did have an owner though. I found the shorts one night at a party and they kept calling my name. I sure don’t need new shorts, but I didn’t mind trying them on. How bad can it be, right. The owner will never know. Plus, these shorts felt right. Once I wore them, I went out for a walk. A long one. Soon, I felt guilty for taking someone else shorts and leaving the party. Oh well, I enjoyed them while I had them.

I nearly lost it when I got them wet. I was wearing shorts that did not belong to me, I went out for a walk in them, and now I got them wet. They had a stain. Luckily, the shorts were black. You couldn’t see the stain. The shorts dried up, with no stain in sight. But I knew it was there, and it was killing me. How was I going to return the shorts dirty? I did. No one noticed and I was relieved. As I put the shorts back where I found them, someone saw me. I lied and said the shorts were mine. Late at night, I went back to the shorts and tried them on one last time. I knew it would be a one time chance, so I freely put them on.  Again, I liked it.

Finally, it was morning. Time to go to sleep. The shorts were back where they belonged, with their owner; used, stained, and thrilled by our adventure. I still see the shorts around and every time is a reminder of our sweet escape. Why did they come to me, why did I do this. Two questions I may never have an answer to. Now, the guilt and embarrassment of borrowing the shorts is killing me.  Thankfully, the shorts can’t talk about it. Our secret will forever remain with us.

Dear Shorts,

            I may not be sorry for what I did and what happened because I enjoyed it as much as you did, but it was wrong. Very wrong. I hope one day we can look back and laugh at this. Don’t run away again. Otherwise, I will keep you next time. You amaze me. 

Javier Miranda

A good friend takes your drink away and says, “You’ve had enough.”

A TRUE friend gives you another drink and yells, “YOU BETTER CHUG THIS CUZ WE AIN’T TRASHED YET!!”

I want to cry.

I want to scream.

I want to tell you mostly I hate that I’m so afraid of everything.

I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can’t have.

I hate that you let me go before I even got to say goodbye.

I wish that you would come back to me.

I wish I were strong enough to say no to you.

I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left.

I need to move on.

I need to hold on. 

I need to decide. 

I envy the way this hasn’t hurt you at all.

I envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all.

I want to hurt you.

I want to be with you.

I want this nightmare to be over.

I wish I could make things the way they were before you.

I wish I could change time.

I wish I could change you.

I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me.

I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted it to be over.

I need you out of my thoughts.

I need you out of my heart.

I need to start doing things for me.

I hate that you used me.

I hate that I gave you something I can never have back.

I hate that I wasted love with you.

I hate that I miss your singing voice.

I’m tired of hoping aimlessly for you.

I’m tired of wanting something I can’t have.

I’m tired of hurting me for things that aren’t my fault.

I’m sorry I was too good and loved you too much.

I’m sorry I defended you when everyone else was right.

I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy.

Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me, for breaking me, for not loving me.

You have won; the love is gone and you lost me.

We lost it all, the love has died. -you killed it.

I feel like our world has been infected. -you’re infected.

You’ve left me neglected. -I thought we were friends.

We were sweet!

You chose lust and you’ll regret it.

You couldn’t keep your [fucken] hands to yourself.

How can I ever trust you again? -the love is gone.

I am… done.

I tried to be yours only
And did you ever understand my heart?
What should I do,
Now I can’t erase you out of my mind

I’ve cried a lot because of you
I’ve laughed a lot because of you
I believed in love because of you

I’ve lost everything because of you

I’m speechless, suffocating and lonely

The world without you will chew out my heart
Stomp on my dignity
Tear apart my life

You stared at me wordlessly
You stared at nothing else but me
Those trembling gazes,
And the awkwardly forced smile
Speaks of our separation

I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
I regret giving you my love

You’ve told me to leave
You treat me as if I’m insane
It’s just too hard
Then I cry silently and wordlessly
Cause I want to stay next to you

I’ll miss you and I’ll need you
Even in my dreams I’ll be with you

Rewind back the time
I wanna kiss u again
My heart aches
It’s too much to bear
And where are you?

Nowhere, you’re gone. -you left me.

My love is real.

I am real, this was real.

I’m safe to say that I’m in a better way,

cupid must have found us now and I like that.

I love you!

I think I found the real thing.

no time no day no night,

there is nothing better.

You are so much more than okay,

life is made of this: no you, no me, no way. 

Now let me explain,

I got a new person loving me in all every way.

I got a new person, loves to walk around just holding my hand.

I want the whole damn world to know, 

there is nothing i can’t hold back from this feeling.

True love is what we are dealing with baby.

You got me singing lalalalalalala

Does anyone understand I’m in love?

Man, I’m in love!

September is here! Which ultimately means, October is only a few weeks away!

SAVE, SAVE, SAVE!

No going out, no eating out, and no shopping. I should just kill myself, what am I going to do! I guess it will all be worth it, my birthday will be celebrated on blast with my closest friends.

I need to go into Vegas mindset. Which also means, skinny bitch diet! Only eat when you are hungry. Stop before you are full. Drink water all day and do not eat past 4.

I have never been on any diet prior to this. We will see how long I can through with it. I need to look better around my dates, so I will definitely will not give myself some slack.

GOOD LUCK TO MYSELF.

My Momma.

Everything I do is mainly for her. My hard work is all for her. She has provided me with an exceptionally wonderful life life throughout my childhood. I feel like now that I am old enough to give back, I should. I want to give her back those years and just enjoy life as it should be.

My Mom means the world to me. She is the love of my life, my favorite woman, and in general my best friend. I truly admire and respect our relationship, we get along as if we were friends. We go everywhere together.

Since my Dad is not with us anymore, I carry the responsibility of ensuring she is perfectly fine all the time. Her passion for fashion is as deep as mine. I aspire for her to have a complete wardrobe with my own designs. Ultimately, she is the one woman I will be designing for the rest of my life.

I respect her, I admire her, and I aspire to be as hard working as she is.

I love my Mom.